Deciding to end your marriage, no matter who is at fault, is a sad time for all parties involved. You are going to be going through a wide range of emotions while you deal with this stage of your life. A divorce attorney can help you through the process. While you know you must take your time and find the best representative for you, there are a few things your new lawyer would like you to know to make your working relationship the best.
Only Trust Your Lawyer
You will hear from everyone on how the process is supposed to be. Your divorce attorney is going to work hard to do the best for you. Unless “he” or “she” is the judge, and they will not be in their own proceedings, there is no way to know for certain what the judge will do. Take some deep breaths and trust your lawyer.
There Are Times It Won’t Be Fair
You will be told something by your lawyer and your first instinct is to say “that’s not fair.” Sadly, there are going to be times during this process that it’s not fair. However, your representative is going to work with you to make it as fair as possible. Your lawyer will want you to take a deep breath and look at everything you’ve already accomplished. He or she will also help to ensure that your goals are realistic, especially in cases of custody. Unless you have cause, making sure your ex never sees the kids again isn’t fair or realistic. You may have to be ready to settle for something like residential custody.
Obey the Court Order
You need to know that if the order comes from the courts, it’s not a suggestion. You need to do whatever the court orders you to do. A good divorce attorney will draft the orders to be presented to a judge, in a way that is clear, detailed, specific, and doesn’t contain a lot of legalese. If you get an order and are unsure what it means, ask. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of the judge for violating the order.
If It’s Not a Court Order, It Doesn’t Matter
When you are going through the process, you are going to be told a lot of things. This could be anything from “we have to file taxes a certain way” to “I’m being forced to sell my home.” Unless there is a motion that has been signed by a judge making it an order, it’s not necessarily true.
The Only Person You Control Is You
Divorce is horrible and messy. As much as you’d like to control everything so that you don’t feel so helpless, there is only one thing under your control and that is yourself. A good divorce attorney will tell you what is going on and if your attitude is making the proceedings take longer. At that point, you need to take a deep breath, consult your lawyer to see what needs to change, and move forward. It’s hard but you can do it. Losing your temper or changing your mind ten times about a motion is not going to help.